Ch. 1 Attachment
pg. 14 A child will develop a more or less secure attachment style depending on how well their caretaker could provide them with consistent connection, safety and reliability.
pg.19 Childhood attachments inform adult relationships
Early childhood attachment experiences become the blueprint for the kinds of connections we go on to expect and seek in our adult romantic relationships
- pg. 19
A child who has felt secure with his parents or caretakers will develop a healthy belief in his inherent self worth and will grow up to be more flexible and understanding in his relationships. This healthy self esteem is vital for developing secure and loving relationships
pg.26 disclaimer
- Not about blaming parents
- many events can cause insecure attachment styles
- Not fixed in stone: Secure attachment can be learned (earned secure attachment)
- Our attachment style can be varied, may change depending on how our partner behaves
Relationship Features
There are 4 features in a parental / caretaker attachment. These 4 features are also found in adult relationships:
- Proximity Maintenance: ways that we connect intimately when in proximity
- touch
- eye contact
- sounds: cooing, noises
- Separation Distress: feeling of distress when separated from attachment
- Safe Haven: Feeling that attachment is safe retreat from the world
- Secure Base: Partner or attachment is a secure base to explore from
- as adults, this can be developing a safe sex-positive environment to explore from
Adult relationships also include: Mutual caregiving, and sexuality
Preoccupied vs dismissive
Dismissive is as soul is locked inside and needs to be released- preoccupied is as if the soul has left and lives inside someone else– needs to be retrieved