#todo create idea notes from some of these topics Major Takeaways:
- All dominance is consensual- The key is to create safety for our partner to feel they are able to submit
- To maintain consent- the container of submission must be clearly defined and not all-encompasing
- Dominance is a gift that can be given to those who desire to be dominated
- By hearing our partners fantasies and understanding the underlying desires we can reflect their desires back to them to create a feedback loop for them
Dominance
Consent
the difference between making someone submit and enabling them to submit is crucially important to dominating well.
the work of dominance is to enable or inspire submission. We don't make our partners submit; we create the opportunity for them to submit.
…dominance is the inspiration and seduction of consent. Dominating someone means leading them to feel safe enough, connected enough, respectful enough or even worshipful enough to say "yes" to your control. And every new order obeyed, every service rendered, every humiliation eagerly endured is consent all over again. The consent that we're looking for isn't a tepid "well I guess you can," but a breathless "yes, please." And that enthusiastic, abandoned consent is the source of much of the heat and power of dominance.
The key of dominance is consent. We do not force people to submit we facilitate an opportunity for them to submit
One example of doing this during impact play is the old tradition of making our partner kiss each implement before we hit them with it. It looks and feels sexy to do and it gives…
We can show our partners what is going to come in many different ways- not only does this build anticipation it also allows to keep affirming consent by giving them plenty of awarness of what is coming.
Self Mastery
Know what you want. We come off as more dominant when our actions are aligned with what we authentically desire in that moment. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but the introspective process of exploring our desires around dominance and deepening our comfort with them can help make the doing easier.
self knowledge is naturally dominanting. People want to submit to someone who is expressing their true will ( The WillThe Will
The divine impulse inside. The Will is the our impulse to action that is not in response to external influence
The True Will
The true will, represented by the Holy Guardian Angel is the deepes... )
Techniques
Paraphrasing Fantasies
But to make your dynamic really sizzle, to enable a remarkably deeper level of connection and control, find out why your partner wants to be spanked.
- Listen to partners fantasy
- understand what they think is hot about it
- create a new fantasy based on your understanding of they're fantasy
Tell them that it isn't your job to force them to submit; it's their job to submit well enough to earn your dominance. Frame submission as an accomplishment rather than a defeat…
- Frame dominance as a reward that they can earn
…providing service is not the service itself, but something that they expect to earn through their service. This can be fine and dandy if it's understood and agreeable to both parties. I, personally, love arrangements where a partner has to serve me in some way in order to earn the privilege of being played with by me.
- partner can perform acts of service to earn the priviledge of being dominated
Power Exchange
Every exercise of dominance, no matter how casual or quick or unorthodox, is a relationship in its own right.
All interactions to some degree involve a power dynamic, and thus all interactions are some sort of relationship in the sense that we are relating to another. When we interact with a server in a restaurant or with our employer these are relationships that can be navigated using the language of Dominance
Great dances of dominance and submission are the same. Their greatness comes out of the powerfully creative feedback loop of two partners both pouring energy and creativity into the dynamic and feeding one another's passions—egging each other on to go deeper and hotter.
Take the lead and express your desires, to demonstrate couragous vulnerabillity
desire is vulnerability (I could also make an argument that all vulnerability stems from desire.) To want something is to face the threat of not getting it, or of having it taken away.
What you're really doing is leading by example. You demonstrate courageous vulnerability yourself, and thereby encourage them to do the same. And you let them know that you are down in the sexy, dirty, scary game of D/s with them, rather than standing above it looking down.
Safety
If your D/s dynamics tend to flow smoothly and effortlessly, chances are it's because you're already good at creating safety.
The Container
The container is like The Magic Circle Private or Broken Links
The page you're looking for is either not available or private!
. It is a supernatural space that obeys seperate laws from mundane realities
The container is a metaphor for the understanding and agreement, shared between our partners and ourselves, of the border between the D/s dynamic we share and everything else in our lives.
Service
It is important to be reliable and sure when giving tasks to subs. Accepting service is a responsibility .
Keep track of assignments so they can be rewarded or punished correctly
Supervision. Once we've given an assignment or created a rule, it becomes a burden for us as well. If we forget about it or stop caring about it or just don't notice whether or not our partner is following our instructions, that tends to erode our dominance of them in a big way. So to keep our dynamics strong and hot, it is our responsibility to supervise the execution of all our assignments and rules. We can write down all the rules and assignments we've decreed. (I know I already said that, but it's worth saying twice.) We…
Devaluation
Devaluation is about inducing shame
What we're hoping to achieve with devaluation is to create experiences where shame burns sweetly for our partner. Everyone has a realm of things that do not bother them at all, and a realm of things that they find repugnant or beneath their dignity. Some people have a border zone in between those two: experiences that they simultaneously loathe and yet in some way crave being subjected to. That's the push zone, and it is the key to devaluation-flavored dominance.
Reflect back on our partners the ways in which they submit. This is similar to creating a feedback loop (see Steps for creating a hypersigil Private or Broken Links
The page you're looking for is either not available or private!
) - make them say it. idea: make them say how they think they will be devalued then follow through on what they guess
So we can help our partners sink deeper into their submissive identity by telling them about it, frequently and graphically. Narrate for them the submissive things they are doing or enduring, tell them what those things mean, how you feel about them, and how you want them to feel about them.
To enhance the effect even more, it may work to not just say it yourself but to also make them say it…
Rewards
- If they want to be punished then remember that the punishment is the reward
- Use Skinner Box style randomness to only sometimes reward good behavoir
Punishment
Make them talk in humiliating ways
Making someone use uptalk (where they raise their tone at the end of each sentence, making all their statements sound like questions) can be elegantly humiliating and ideal for bimbofication.
- create complicated rules ("never use the imperative mood when you speak to me,") to be sure to always have a chance to punish them
Remember: If a partner is being prevented from speaking normally- be extra attentive to how they say what they can- to be attuned to how much they are enjoying the activity
Make them Abstain
If they aren't allowed to eat sweets, make them order dessert and leave it untouched in front of them while you conspicuously enjoy yours. If…
Objectification
Treating a partner as an object. Use function based titles to refer to them(i.e. if they are acting as a footstool only refer to them as "footstool")
Polyamory
Every pair within a multi-partner relationship is a distinct relationship of its own and, particularly when it comes to D/s, each of those unique two-person relationships needs to be thought of, developed and sustained individually.
In group relationships, each pair of people needs to be thought of as a distinct relationship.
Ritual
Other rituals, like having your partner perform a daily devotional ceremony, or await permission before getting into bed, or always greet you in a specific manner, can serve a similar function.